Grad lo!

Finally officially graduated with the commencement ceremony yesterday.
It was rather exciting, chaotic, and somewhat great!
Though there are still a little 遗憾 ha.
oh wells.
Will blog again when I have all the photos =)
And now, job searching!!!!
(My mum has been telling me now graduate liao need to find job alr and no more sch for me. lol no hint of the 'slowly find job' advise hahaha.)

有的没的

Been buying random stuff when I go out recently.
Seriously. LOL.
Got some origami papers with strips/polka dots from Daiso 2 days ago.
Was walking around and because they were too atractive, and I thought it would be great for using it to decorate cards, I bought them.
After paying, I was like, "great, why did I buy this for?"
OH WELLS.
Today, was also walking around, so headed to popular and guess what I bought?
Card holder!
It's not to hold name cards though, it's for polariods. hehe.
Well, it's hard to find a polaroid album outside, and I don't really shop online.
So the next best choice is to buy a card holder album, since the size fits perfectly.
Spent quite a bit of time there choosing the design.
Shall take loads and lots of polariods during commencement day.

Oh commencement.
Mixed feelings I would say.
Happy that I'm indeed officially graduating.
The day where I wear the academic gown and the mortar board.
Signifies the long education path (15 years!!!) I took and completed it.
On the contrary, the fact that I'm entering into the reality freaks me out quite a little.
Perhaps I would say I'm pretty lucky that my education years are smooth sailing - - no bullies encountered, no severe punishments, no major setbacks.
And now I've ended my education (well not including the possibility of upgrading myself along the way), it seems like I'll be entering the more cruel side of life.
Been hearing the 'adults' saying the bad side of working life.
The kinds of weird people you'll meet, the harder to get true friendships, the dog-eat-dog environment.
YES the kind of UNCERTAINTY again.
I know, it's this kind of uncertainess that's making everything so exciting.
But I just can't help getting irritated, fustrated and annoyed by the fact that I don't see my future anywhere.
Things I like to do can't bring me the income that I want.
Doing handicrafts, sports, sing, bake etc .
Perhaps not now. I need a stable decent job.
Maybe deep down, I want to be a housewife like my mum, staying at home, taking care of kids and cooking for my husband. LOL.
Somehow, this seems to be a lazy way out.
Then again if I want to be a housewife, I wouldn't study so much in the first place, and seeing how kids can be annoying with their loud (YES LOUD) voice, it's scaring me off to find a job outside.
AH contradicting!!!

well, it's time for bed.
goodnights! <3

July is here!!!

July is here and still, no job found yet.
To be exact, only went for 1 interview, since after sch semester ends.
Is it because I didn't send out enough, or is the competition too strong, or I'm just lacking in luck now?
Spent the whole afternoon browsing job search websites and not a single one that I can apply.
Either the requirements doesn't match, or it's the job scope that I don't like.
And then, interviews are really scary.
Ah well, no use ranting here anyway.
I need a job, seriously.

Anyway, july's here!!!
My birthday month hehe =D
Always anticipating, but I guess it's the time where I do feel the most disappointed.
Contradicting huh.
Shall not say much about it.
As I grow, I will learn to let go.
Let go of expectations, so I'll live happier.
But then again, shouldn't we hold on to what we believe?
Ah, complicated life.
But then again, it depends on how we want to live our life right, simple or complicated?
It all boils down to how you view things, people, situations and problems around you.
Sometimes, I'm just pure stubbon. (Maybe because I'm born in the year of horse? Lol)

Zumba class last sat was better than the first. Maybe because I'm starting to get used to it.
Then squash yesterday made my whole body ache like don't know what.
But I'm glad I'm starting to move around and not coop myself in the house all day long.
OK it's good to stay home, enjoying some alone time, but not with a 6 month old baby crying every now and then, or my mum asking me to do stuff when she see me so free slacking and nua-ing everywhere.
Sometimes, I just don't feel like staying at home.
I want to find a secret hiding place. You know, like in the movies/dramas, the female lead always has her own hiding place that she can emo at.
HA I'm watching too much dramas.
But it would be great to have such a place.
A place that I can be myself. Maybe I've found one.
A place in someone's heart where I can be myself (at least I think I am).

job/exercise/RM/$$

I realised, I always blog at night.
Probably because during the night time I have more thoughts and feelings and no one else to distract my train of thoughts.

I admit I wasn't very active in my job search, but still I did sent out a few of my resumes here and there.
No one is calling me up for interviews, and it gets really stressful when people around you are receiving chances.
Not that I'm urgent in finding one, just that it seems rather pointless to slack all day all night.
Though my mum told me to take my time, somehow I feel that I shouldn't be staying at home all day and doing nothing.
Life's getting meaningless.
But then again, I only have myself to blame because I'm living it that way.
I need to inject more adventures into my life.
Well well, easier said than done.
When you have no money, the only adventure is to get yourself a job and get something out of it.
Talking about job search, the day before, I spent the whole afternoon looking at websites trying to search for positions that I might be suitable for.
Then I realised that I still doesn't know exactly what I want. Or maybe I do.
I want to try events job, but was kinda turned off by the relatively low pay and longer working hours.
No contract jobs because I want something more permanent, of course with the staff benefits etc.
No particular industry that I prefer, ok maybe more towards banking, since that always seems to have a better prospect.
Or maybe I was in the wrong course. Perhaps the job market is too saturated now. Perhaps I just needed more time.

Been exercising recently, at least more than during school semesters.
Swimming, squash, zumba.
Talking about zumba, it was a mixture of dance and aerobics. And surprisingly, it was rather tiring after the class last saturday.
I wasn't expecting it to be that vigorous. Ha well maybe it's just me because I didn't exercise enough.
Oh and squash, I bought a new racquet from queensway last evening. So I'm expecting myself to play more!

Been watching Running Man, and laughing out loud at home.
That was when my mum keep asking me what show I'm watching and why all the laughing.
And she commented that it was a 'crazy man show' (direct translation from dialect).
Ha, at least the show made me laugh and cheers me up.

Meeting up with friends are great.
Gossips, casual chats, and girls talk.
But need to spend $$$ which I have limited amount.
Spending about $100 in 2 days is crazy, considering I didnt have a job yet!
$60 goes to the new squash racquet, $40 goes to new lingerie.
I should just stay at home everyday.
OR maybe I should borrow a good book and read it.

Alright, that's all for today.
Going to sleep while missing my love. I'm doing that too often.
Goodnight =)

drawings!

Well, technically there is only one drawing.
Suddenly I had the urge to draw.
Maybe too bored at home. haha.
So being totally untrained at drawing (well unless you consider having art lessons till lower secondary as trained), I decided to google how to draw for beginners.
And youtube videos were like one of the top few successful search.
So I clicked on one that shows me how to draw trees! LOL.
Right, so I followed the video and sketch one on my rough paper.
And it turned out pretty well (see above)!
Ha so... can I say I'm talented in drawing? =P

Actually I have always been interested in drawings and music, the arts, as some would say.
But somehow, being brought up in a conservative family (and a not so wealthy one), the idea instilled in me was to study or learn something useful. Some skills or knowledge that I can use to earn more income in the future.
So being as blur as sotong (maybe innocent sounds nicer haha) when young, I followed the education path that most people took.
So I finished my education years rather smoothly, with a few hiccups here and there though.
Well, so now that I'm done with education, I seemed to have lost my direction.
Especially with the fact that my self confidence are kinda low at times, plus my knowledge of what I studied were either hidden deep in my brain, or they're all returned to the lecturers. How great.
It's somehow like 'What am I going to do next? Where should I go?'
All these questions that I can't find any answers to.
Pondering over and over, and over and over.
It seems wrong to live day by day, with totally no plans ahead of me.
But I can't figure out what I want.
Oh well, I'll have to see how it goes.
Ha why am I emo-ing again!!!

So back to the topic.
I've always wanted to learn piano, but didnt have the courage to take up lessons because I dislike reading scores haha.
Now I am thinking of learning guitar, but finding a decent job is my priority now, so that's on hold.
And since I have nothing to do at home I just randomly drew.
Yup, so much for my nagging and complaining and emo-ing and whatnots.
Till next time! =)

没有一百分的另一半，只有五十分的两个人。<3

emo max

I wondered if it's because I'm too free these days that I've been rather emotional.Or the fact that because it's the time of the month.
OKay maybe I would say 'more emotional' since my heart always speaks louder than my brain.
I cried, 2 days in a row.
I don't exactly know the reason why I cried.
Maybe it's because I'm stressed over finding job 'cus I do feel quite useless now.
Or maybe I'm fustrated over people who don't understand what I really want.
And maybe, the fact that my mum probably may not be going for my commencement is affecting me.
Of course I do understand from her point of view her reason for not wanting to go. But somehow, if she's not there, it's as if something's missing. Afterall, it's a once in a life time event for me.
Perhaps it's still early to emo about this, as she may change her mind last minute.
I will just respect her decision.

Since young, I don't like to request for things, or favors.
If I don't know how to do certain things, I'll try my best to do it on my own.
Maybe I should put it another way, that I don't like to owe people favors, or anything.
Just like presents/gifts.
I love to receive presents. who doesn't?
But I will only be truely happy in receiving if the other party genuinely wants to give, and not an obligation to give.
You know, the kind of situation where I am given the present because the other party didn't want me to feel that he/she is biased, so I received it too. I really hate this.
Of course I'm happy that I have presents, but it's a different kind of feeling.
A kind of 'to make you feel better so i'm giving you present also' feel, which totally alters the meaning of giving the present in the first place.
Just like by requesting for presents, it loses the real meaning of giving and/or receiving. then what's the point?
To the sender/giver: If you puts your heart in choosing the present, no matter what the gift is, the receiver will feel it. Afterall, it's about the sincerity.
To the receiver: Be grateful for that thought of the giver. Pretend you're happy even if you're not. This way you can prevent unnecessary conflicts. Peace.

It's getting late. Meaning, it's a good time to emo. lol.
I shall not, and go to bed now.
Goodnight world.

random june post

Great! It's the june holidays! Summer holidays!
The holiday that students always looking forward to.
Well, I guess since i'm graduating, which means i'm no longer a student soon, i'll have no such holidays to look forward to anymore.
Been doing job searching after coming back from taiwan, although not intensive search.
I think i'm the kind of peroson who needs to experience before I can decide whether I like a certain job or not.
Hmm, my mum told me to take my time in finding one, and I dont know how long I'll take.
Hope it wouldnt be too long.
I fear.
And I'm kind of forcing myself, because I have yet to discover what I want in my career.
This sense of uncertainty, yet again.
oh well, pardon me for being emotional in the middle of the night.
Isnt that always happening to people? when you're alone lying on the bed before you sleep.
Things running through your mind that you'll never get the answers just by thinking.
I remember, whenever there's important things the next day, be it exams, events etc, I can never sleep well. I turn into a light sleeper!
well, worrywart I am.
I admit. Pros and Cons I say. HA.

Seriously speaking, I cannot imagine myself working.
It's like 'hey you've really grown up, and welcome to the corporate world - the reality'
and yea there it is. face it! with courage no matter what happens.

I've always wondered how it is to be someone else.
Like who am I from another person's perspective and view.
I want to see myself from someone else's eyes.
And then I can really understand myself.
I KNOW. It's impossible.

Enough of thinking for today!
Time to head to bed.
Goodnight =)

Love everyone around you!