it's complicated.

I know, I have been emo-ing too much lately.
It's a terrible feeling.
I dont like it either, and perhaps, i need to find a way to release such negative emotions.
Crying always helps.

I've never been able to express myself properly since young.
Perhaps it was the family environment I grew up in, so i always keep things to myself.
Even till now.
Sometimes i really envy people who can really talked about everything and anything with their family.
It's not that I don't want to say it.
But most of the times when I did, the reaction wasn't what I expected.
There isn't any careful listening to what I say, so I concluded that there was no point in saying.
Everyone knows communication is important. I know it too.
But it's just too much for me to face it.
There are so many things I want to say it out.
Perhaps I was too scared of changing everything.
Perhaps I didn't have enough courage.
I don't know.
I'm lost in life. And I can't seem to find a path.
No one understands how I feel.
Perhaps they just though I'm being needy.
Probably I am, probably I just need someone that I can really depend on.
Probably I'm having too much unrealistic expectations.
Probably I didnt do enough.
Probably deep down I wished I never had to grow up.

alone.

Even though I hate to be alone, there are still times where nobody else can help.
I just have to face it myself, alone.

At the end, I'm still alone.

School's starting...!

Right, school's starting but I'm not starting school!
Yup.
Bf going back to school = lesser time to spend with me =(
And then those working are busy working...
So, I need to get myself a job FAST.
Praying hard for the next interview!!!
Oh and did I mention, went for another grad photoshoot after the one at UTown on my commencement day.
This time, at the BTC and botanic gardens, and it's with my stats clique =D
Had fun =)
I really love how the photos turn out so pretty =)
Just a few below...

Been too emtional these days. >.<

Optimism

This is totally what I need now.
Optimism, hope, confidence.
And maybe a little bit more luck too.

Well anyways, chancing upon the beach volleyball olympics games on one fine day which I stayed home, definitely makes me miss playing the game.
The kind of competitive feeling that it gives me, the pride that I feel when we won medals, the team spirit that we have, and that bond we shared.
It's a pity that I've lost touch with my jc team mates, not to say my secondary school ones.
Everyone else has their own lives to live, and seems like the passion for the sport did lessen.
It's been awhile (rather long) since I've been to the beach!
Maybe it'll be good to find a day and head over for some fun, and sun!

Recently, a friend shared a link "Secrets of Truly Happy People" video on facebook. Here's the link.
So out of curiosity, I opened the link and watched it.
One main point discussed was to "live in the moment".
I guess we're all too busy to pursue and being too preoccupied with what we want, that we often 'forgot' to live in the moment. Well at least for me which I find it very true.
So I try to make it a point to remind myself that, so I will be a happier person.
And then there's this part about minding your own business and just worry about your own life.
I do agree in the sense that when you start worrying and getting all concern about other's life, you'll be adding more worries to your own, and start comparing, which makes your life worse.
Yes, for now, it refers to my job search.
Perhaps after watching, you'll have some new inspiration or enlightenment on how to be more happy too.

It's late, and I should go to bed.
Goodnight!