it's complicated.

I know, I have been emo-ing too much lately.
It's a terrible feeling.
I dont like it either, and perhaps, i need to find a way to release such negative emotions.
Crying always helps.

I've never been able to express myself properly since young.
Perhaps it was the family environment I grew up in, so i always keep things to myself.
Even till now.
Sometimes i really envy people who can really talked about everything and anything with their family.
It's not that I don't want to say it.
But most of the times when I did, the reaction wasn't what I expected.
There isn't any careful listening to what I say, so I concluded that there was no point in saying.
Everyone knows communication is important. I know it too.
But it's just too much for me to face it.
There are so many things I want to say it out.
Perhaps I was too scared of changing everything.
Perhaps I didn't have enough courage.
I don't know.
I'm lost in life. And I can't seem to find a path.
No one understands how I feel.
Perhaps they just though I'm being needy.
Probably I am, probably I just need someone that I can really depend on.
Probably I'm having too much unrealistic expectations.
Probably I didnt do enough.
Probably deep down I wished I never had to grow up.