Last day of 2012.

Yep, we've come to the last day of 2012.
So much for saying 2012 is the end of the world, but yeah, life still goes on.
Looking back at the year... it's perhaps one of the periods where there is a change in life phase.

Last semester in NUS during the 1Q of the year was rather slack.
Perhaps it could be attributed to the fact that I have lost the momentum to study, perhaps a little sick of studying (well, it's 15 years of school life if we start counting from primary school).
Then after exams was the much anticipated graduation trip to Taiwan!
Yup, it's my first free-and-easy trip overseas with friends.
Definitely enjoyable, and planning more trips in time to come!

Then the search for jobs began.
I wouldn't say it was with a lot of obstacles before I came to my current one, but still, there were moments of despair and helplessness.
Imagine sending in tenths of applications, but yet none replied.
Especially when I'm not particularly good at selling myself during interviews, it was something that I always wanted to avoid.
In any case, I'm thankful for being able to land myself in a job still.

And then working life starts.
Now I'm wondering how will I survive to work for the rest of my life till retirement.
It seems too far fetched for me to think about it now.
Yea, so I guess it's still early for me, but I should be reminded of my future and what I really want.

Went legoland and Bintan this month too. =)

SO that pretty sums up my whole 2012.
Wasnt particularly looking forward to 2013, but still, hope all is well for the new year!
Wish everyone all the best and a happy new year! =)

12.12.12

It's 12.12.12 today!
Wanted to came in to blog at 12:12pm but since it's my lunch time... oh well!
HAHA.
Need another 100 years to get this date!

Anyway, had a busy and good weekend last week.

08.12.12 - Legoland!

Woke up early to reach Singapore Flyer to catch the coach to Legoland.
But we still missed our bus!!!
Luckily there were several buses with other timings, so we still managed to reach our destination!
There were rather little rides for those who love thrilling ones, but there were quite a few that are really kids friendly.
So it's a good place for families.
However, should go on a weekday, if possible, because it's really crowded for weekends.
We went on a saturday, and spent most of our time queuing for the rides.
And of course the food there, is a little too expensive but probably still cheaper than other amusement parks.
Then there's the souvenir shop - good for lego fans to buy more of the collections!
And we went back after having dinner at the nearby mall just outside Legoland.
My dear came to pick me up at the flyer to send me home =) so sweet~
(But somehow I took longer to reach home =P)

09.12.12/10.12.12 - Bintan with <3 p="p">Woke up early again to catch the ferry at Tanah Merah Ferry Terminal to Bintan!
We were supposed to reach the terminal at 9:40am but was a little late =P
But still managed to be in time to get on the ferry 'cus it leaves at 11:10am!
Reached Bintan's terminal and then took the land transfer provided by the resort to our resort.
Well in general the experience there was good.
The staffs were friendly, the room was generally good (since we're only staying 1 night so nothing much to pick on) and the environment was generally relaxing.
They had this 'Mini Zoo' within the resort area so for both days there, we fed the deers! 

They eat like they have been starving for days! LOL.
And the beach!

First day was more cloudy...

Second day was really sunny!

Personally I feel the beach is better than the Batam one.
Cleaner, and the waters are clearer too!
And we discovered many many hermit crabs!!
They're so cute lah! I was totally fascinated by them HAHA ok call me mountain turtle.

 

SEE! Cute right!!!

One thing holding me back from going back again was probably the fact that their activities and food were rather over priced.
But since we were there to relax, so i guess we shouldnt be too particular about the prices ba!
But now, have to think twice before going haha.
Go when you feel abit richer, if not go Batam!
And then it's time to leave for Singapore!
Time really flies when you're enjoying yourself!

"I want to travel around the world with you, my love."

fragility of life.

See how fragile our lives are;
how accidents can disable us;
how illnesses and diseases can torture us;
how natural disasters can take away lives.
Treasure your own life.

Rainy day, Lazy day

Been raining almost everyday this month, and it really gets cold!
Well, been busy everyday going to work, then ocassionally going out after work.
Wasn't really physically tired, but mentally.
Nothing much actually. ha.
Hmm, maybe looking forward to december! Many many holidays!
ok not alot but still something to look forward too. =)

Ok i have nothing much to say.
BYE for now hehe.

=(

why am i home on a holiday?

boring.

It's monday again.

Well, I guess the title says it. Yup, Monday again means start of a new work week, and of course, many will have Monday Blues.
Previously I don't understand why people get Monday Blues, since it's like a new week and there are things to look forward to!
But now I understand. Not that now there isn't anything to look forward to after work, it's just totally because the weekend passed too quickly!

Anyway, it's going into my 4th week of work.
Seriously speaking, my workload has yet to increase exponentially, and I really hope it doesn't.
But at least I do have a little bit on my plate. Not alot to make me full, but I won't starve.
Oh and last friday was DnD.
Well, wasn't as fun as I expected it (maybe because the average age wasn't that young as in school =P), but there was another perspective of my colleagues ha.
Food wasn't particularly nice as well, but still, credit have to be given to those who put in the effort in planning the event.
And I'm surprised many did dress up according to the theme! Impressed. Maybe because office was too boring haha oops.

Alright, it's getting late and I'll need to wake up early in the morning.
Goodnight people.

P.S. Happy Birthday, Zoey! (If you read this) May all your wishes comes true =)

End of 1st week!

I survived the 1st week of work~
It was alright, but sometimes I feel that I've said something I shouldn't.
Ha hope the people forget what I said leh seriously.
It has been a tiring week, even when I don't really have work to do.
Well, I guess it's more of metally tired, like I have to think what I have to do, how to behave, rmb all the new faces and names.
Oh well.
Tomorrow's monday again!
Now I understand 'monday blues'!

Anyway, went shopping again yesterday whee~
Been spending $$$$$.
And I have to wait till next month for my first pay leh!
>.<
ok.
I'm going to nap and catch up with all the sleep I lost due to waking up early haha.
BYE.

thoughts and feelings.

Well, finally, I'm starting work on Monday, 1st Oct 2012, after such long wait.
Officially going to enter into the workforce, and definitely mixed feelings much.
Excited, uncertainty, fears, anxiousness, you name it!
After graduation, the job search process wasn't as easy as I thought it would be, and the fact that I feel that there's this imaginary race between friends on who will get a job first made it worse.
Definitely, at that point of time, I believed I wouldn't be the last one to. But turned out I am.
Anyway, now that everything is back on track, I think I need to get used to the new phase of life that I'll soon be entering.

I think I did mentioned that at such hours I have most thoughts about things. Here I go again.
And I believe I have to constantly remind myself how fortunate I am to not take things for granted.
Last Sunday, being home for almost the whole of last week, I couldn't bring myself to stay at home again, so I went to the library and picked up a book to read. As much as I couldn't totally apprehend and digest all the advice that the book suggested, there's particularly a quote in the book that I liked.

"We think of joy as something to attain, to aspire toward, something that someday will be ours, permanently. But there's no need to wait. There are joy moments in every day for each of us. We simply have to notice them, name them, and be in them. By doing this, we will bring a sense of balance to the day, and then, by extension, to our whole life."

Somehow, this was really meaningful when I was reading, because I had always thought that way, that we have to find joy. But what I didn't realise was there are joyous moments in life that we often overlooked due to our conscious efforts in seeking joy and happiness. I think this is what everyone of us have to learn to be a happier person.

Another take away from the book, is to remember to breathe. And take note, is deep breathing.
Breathing actually helps one to relax. Whenever you are angry, sad, nervous, anything, just stop and do deep breathing. Personally, it really calms me down. So there's no harm trying the next time you need some relaxing.

Actually the book is targetted at individuals who are too busy with their lives that they don't have time to themselves. But I still benefited even though I was too free that's why I read the book. Maybe I should read more often!

Alright I guess I should stop here today!
May everyone notice and enjoy the joyous moments they deserve! =)

wait, waiting, waited

Been waiting and waiting and waiting.
Besides waiting, I don't know what can I do.
HAI.

Been quite a while since the last update.
Yup as expected I'm still unemployed.
Been feeling useless, like seriously.
Been living day by day.
Everyday's kinda about the same.
Woke up, breakfast, read newspaper, lunch, play com, nap, help my mum cook, dinner, tv, play com, sleep. Of course checking emails every now and then.

Well, had a contract job interview last friday and was told I'm offered the job.
BUT I'm waiting for the PERM JOB to reply me!!!
WHY CANT THEY JUST HURRY UP!!!!
Anyway, the interview on friday was a rather relaxed one.
Met an Caucasian interviewer and he was really nice.
He did make me comfortable with the whole conversation and well, really friendly guy.
Well I didnt really have chances to interact with Caucasians and I think it really changes my perception about them that day.
The way they treat people and the gentlemen-ness. lol.
Ok maybe that was too biased, but well, it was a good impression I got.

Other than that, nothing much to update about.
And I really hate myself when I emo.
'Cus I know, I'm always finding faults when I emo. Like everything and anything, small issues, random comments people say.... like really everything just doesn't seem right.
Seriously, why hormones have such great effects on me.
On a lighter note, I NEED TO CHEER UP!

OHOHOH.
I got my pink ukulele from groupon on 5 Sept =D
Been trying to play and gosh, it's not easy!
Had to sacrifice my pretty long nails to play, and pressing the strings are really making my fingers hurt.
Luckily the strings are nylon and not metal.
But it still made my finger tips numb awhile when I played for the first few times.
It's better now! =)
More practice~!!!

OK everyone feeling down, I know the feeling sucks.
But life goes on.
SMILE, ok laugh if you can, EVERYDAY =D
Goodnight~!

beautiful song.

Chanced upon a lovely song on youtube just now.
This is the instrumental version.

And with lyrics version. Enjoy =)

Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
and you it's only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give,
and the soul afraid of dyin'
that never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been to long,
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,
just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snow
lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose.


Goodnight!

it's complicated.

I know, I have been emo-ing too much lately.
It's a terrible feeling.
I dont like it either, and perhaps, i need to find a way to release such negative emotions.
Crying always helps.

I've never been able to express myself properly since young.
Perhaps it was the family environment I grew up in, so i always keep things to myself.
Even till now.
Sometimes i really envy people who can really talked about everything and anything with their family.
It's not that I don't want to say it.
But most of the times when I did, the reaction wasn't what I expected.
There isn't any careful listening to what I say, so I concluded that there was no point in saying.
Everyone knows communication is important. I know it too.
But it's just too much for me to face it.
There are so many things I want to say it out.
Perhaps I was too scared of changing everything.
Perhaps I didn't have enough courage.
I don't know.
I'm lost in life. And I can't seem to find a path.
No one understands how I feel.
Perhaps they just though I'm being needy.
Probably I am, probably I just need someone that I can really depend on.
Probably I'm having too much unrealistic expectations.
Probably I didnt do enough.
Probably deep down I wished I never had to grow up.

alone.

Even though I hate to be alone, there are still times where nobody else can help.
I just have to face it myself, alone.

At the end, I'm still alone.

School's starting...!

Right, school's starting but I'm not starting school!
Yup.
Bf going back to school = lesser time to spend with me =(
And then those working are busy working...
So, I need to get myself a job FAST.
Praying hard for the next interview!!!
Oh and did I mention, went for another grad photoshoot after the one at UTown on my commencement day.
This time, at the BTC and botanic gardens, and it's with my stats clique =D
Had fun =)
I really love how the photos turn out so pretty =)
Just a few below...

Been too emtional these days. >.<

Optimism

This is totally what I need now.
Optimism, hope, confidence.
And maybe a little bit more luck too.

Well anyways, chancing upon the beach volleyball olympics games on one fine day which I stayed home, definitely makes me miss playing the game.
The kind of competitive feeling that it gives me, the pride that I feel when we won medals, the team spirit that we have, and that bond we shared.
It's a pity that I've lost touch with my jc team mates, not to say my secondary school ones.
Everyone else has their own lives to live, and seems like the passion for the sport did lessen.
It's been awhile (rather long) since I've been to the beach!
Maybe it'll be good to find a day and head over for some fun, and sun!

Recently, a friend shared a link "Secrets of Truly Happy People" video on facebook. Here's the link.
So out of curiosity, I opened the link and watched it.
One main point discussed was to "live in the moment".
I guess we're all too busy to pursue and being too preoccupied with what we want, that we often 'forgot' to live in the moment. Well at least for me which I find it very true.
So I try to make it a point to remind myself that, so I will be a happier person.
And then there's this part about minding your own business and just worry about your own life.
I do agree in the sense that when you start worrying and getting all concern about other's life, you'll be adding more worries to your own, and start comparing, which makes your life worse.
Yes, for now, it refers to my job search.
Perhaps after watching, you'll have some new inspiration or enlightenment on how to be more happy too.

It's late, and I should go to bed.
Goodnight!

updates..

Back here for updates!!!
11th July 2012 - Graduation Day.
Woke up early in the morning, bathe and got prepared to leave house to go university town.
Luckily my bro was free to fetch me to school because I had alot of stuff to carry to sch!
Gown + Mortar Board, heels for the ceremony in the afternoon, tripod stand, polaroid camera + 4 packets of film, and the usual bag of stuff like water bottle etc etc. Plus I was wearing formal with skirt so THANKS BRO.
So I thought I was already late because we meet 1030am at UTown, but I was the earliest (ok excluding my bf who's so nice to be the photographer for us that day)!
And I received a bouquet of sunflower from him =) so happy hehe.

So nothing to do during the wait, take pictures! =D
Then we went in to the food court because 1stly it has aircon, 2ndly I didn't have time to eat breakfast in the morning.
Then maggie came, followed by wendy and sinyi.
So ended up we started taking at around 11 plus >.<
Oh well, overall the photo taking was alright =)

SO, since started late, we ended late, and I had a quick lunch at the food court before heading to UCC to prepare for the ceremony.
First thing I reach was to go to robing room and wore my gown, and mortar board.
Then deposited my stuff at some counter with the help of bf.
And saw my family before they went in to the hall, and then for the 1st time, my sis and bro saw my bf!!!! lol. ok awkward atmosphere but nvm that.
So went into the hall, and ceremony started =)
Was rather nervous and excited, especially the moment on stage.
I just had this proud feeling, hey I've graduated.
Felt really happy.
And then after the ceremony ended, it was a round of phototaking with friends and family.
And receiving small gifts and flowers.
Thanks my dear, joseph, sinyi/wendy for the sunflowers, shihui for the cupcake and lollipop, sinyi/wendy for the small cards and owl, sis for the graduation tortoise. =D
Kind of regretted that I didnt get a chance to take a group shot with my stats clique. =(
'cus while I was with some, others were not there, and when I wasnt there (I'm the only one =( ), they took some tgt.
But since it's over so nothing I can do right!
Then it's dinner with family after everyone left.
So since FOS has this reunion thingy at LT27 there, so decided to go check it out, so I went back to Science Fac to take pictures.

 But nobody was there so I guess everything ended.
Then bro came back to fetch me and sis over to the west coast restaurant for dinner.
And dinner treat by my mum's younger brother and received a gift from them =)
So end of day!

22th July 2012 - MY Birthday =D
Went Gardens By The Bay (GBTB).

Me stupidly go wear high wedges there lol.
Made my feet so pain lah!

Anyway, meet bf at northpoint to have lunch. Ate subway. =)
Then slowly made our way over to bayfront station.
So walked abit around MBS, found their ice skating rink.

It was smaller than expected, and it's not on real ice. So it didnt looked as fun.
Then walked over to GBTB.

Nothing much special, besides looking at plants and flowers.

 Well I guess you need to pay to have a better experience there.
Plus it wasn't well maintained because at some parts, the soil was exposed, and it wasn't really very pretty.
Maybe more time is needed for the plants to be growing more naturally.
Oh and did I mention some were withering too.
Overall it was still a great walk though! =)
Tried the white rose flavoured icecream from the souvenir shop.
And tasted like bandung!!! without the pink colour because it's WHITE rose. lol.

Then headed to town for dinner @ Paradise Inn.

Food's not bad, but too expensive though.
Thanks my dear for the dinner =)))
And went home after dinner...

For the rest of the days in between, nothing much, just looking for jobs, going out randomly and yup.
That's all.
Boring life hor, I know!!!!
Anyway, last zumba class was on 14th July, and it was another perspiring session. lol.

Grad lo!

Finally officially graduated with the commencement ceremony yesterday.
It was rather exciting, chaotic, and somewhat great!
Though there are still a little 遗憾 ha.
oh wells.
Will blog again when I have all the photos =)
And now, job searching!!!!
(My mum has been telling me now graduate liao need to find job alr and no more sch for me. lol no hint of the 'slowly find job' advise hahaha.)

有的没的

Been buying random stuff when I go out recently.
Seriously. LOL.
Got some origami papers with strips/polka dots from Daiso 2 days ago.
Was walking around and because they were too atractive, and I thought it would be great for using it to decorate cards, I bought them.
After paying, I was like, "great, why did I buy this for?"
OH WELLS.
Today, was also walking around, so headed to popular and guess what I bought?
Card holder!
It's not to hold name cards though, it's for polariods. hehe.
Well, it's hard to find a polaroid album outside, and I don't really shop online.
So the next best choice is to buy a card holder album, since the size fits perfectly.
Spent quite a bit of time there choosing the design.
Shall take loads and lots of polariods during commencement day.

Oh commencement.
Mixed feelings I would say.
Happy that I'm indeed officially graduating.
The day where I wear the academic gown and the mortar board.
Signifies the long education path (15 years!!!) I took and completed it.
On the contrary, the fact that I'm entering into the reality freaks me out quite a little.
Perhaps I would say I'm pretty lucky that my education years are smooth sailing - - no bullies encountered, no severe punishments, no major setbacks.
And now I've ended my education (well not including the possibility of upgrading myself along the way), it seems like I'll be entering the more cruel side of life.
Been hearing the 'adults' saying the bad side of working life.
The kinds of weird people you'll meet, the harder to get true friendships, the dog-eat-dog environment.
YES the kind of UNCERTAINTY again.
I know, it's this kind of uncertainess that's making everything so exciting.
But I just can't help getting irritated, fustrated and annoyed by the fact that I don't see my future anywhere.
Things I like to do can't bring me the income that I want.
Doing handicrafts, sports, sing, bake etc .
Perhaps not now. I need a stable decent job.
Maybe deep down, I want to be a housewife like my mum, staying at home, taking care of kids and cooking for my husband. LOL.
Somehow, this seems to be a lazy way out.
Then again if I want to be a housewife, I wouldn't study so much in the first place, and seeing how kids can be annoying with their loud (YES LOUD) voice, it's scaring me off to find a job outside.
AH contradicting!!!

well, it's time for bed.
goodnights! <3

July is here!!!

July is here and still, no job found yet.
To be exact, only went for 1 interview, since after sch semester ends.
Is it because I didn't send out enough, or is the competition too strong, or I'm just lacking in luck now?
Spent the whole afternoon browsing job search websites and not a single one that I can apply.
Either the requirements doesn't match, or it's the job scope that I don't like.
And then, interviews are really scary.
Ah well, no use ranting here anyway.
I need a job, seriously.

Anyway, july's here!!!
My birthday month hehe =D
Always anticipating, but I guess it's the time where I do feel the most disappointed.
Contradicting huh.
Shall not say much about it.
As I grow, I will learn to let go.
Let go of expectations, so I'll live happier.
But then again, shouldn't we hold on to what we believe?
Ah, complicated life.
But then again, it depends on how we want to live our life right, simple or complicated?
It all boils down to how you view things, people, situations and problems around you.
Sometimes, I'm just pure stubbon. (Maybe because I'm born in the year of horse? Lol)

Zumba class last sat was better than the first. Maybe because I'm starting to get used to it.
Then squash yesterday made my whole body ache like don't know what.
But I'm glad I'm starting to move around and not coop myself in the house all day long.
OK it's good to stay home, enjoying some alone time, but not with a 6 month old baby crying every now and then, or my mum asking me to do stuff when she see me so free slacking and nua-ing everywhere.
Sometimes, I just don't feel like staying at home.
I want to find a secret hiding place. You know, like in the movies/dramas, the female lead always has her own hiding place that she can emo at.
HA I'm watching too much dramas.
But it would be great to have such a place.
A place that I can be myself. Maybe I've found one.
A place in someone's heart where I can be myself (at least I think I am).

job/exercise/RM/$$

I realised, I always blog at night.
Probably because during the night time I have more thoughts and feelings and no one else to distract my train of thoughts.

I admit I wasn't very active in my job search, but still I did sent out a few of my resumes here and there.
No one is calling me up for interviews, and it gets really stressful when people around you are receiving chances.
Not that I'm urgent in finding one, just that it seems rather pointless to slack all day all night.
Though my mum told me to take my time, somehow I feel that I shouldn't be staying at home all day and doing nothing.
Life's getting meaningless.
But then again, I only have myself to blame because I'm living it that way.
I need to inject more adventures into my life.
Well well, easier said than done.
When you have no money, the only adventure is to get yourself a job and get something out of it.
Talking about job search, the day before, I spent the whole afternoon looking at websites trying to search for positions that I might be suitable for.
Then I realised that I still doesn't know exactly what I want. Or maybe I do.
I want to try events job, but was kinda turned off by the relatively low pay and longer working hours.
No contract jobs because I want something more permanent, of course with the staff benefits etc.
No particular industry that I prefer, ok maybe more towards banking, since that always seems to have a better prospect.
Or maybe I was in the wrong course. Perhaps the job market is too saturated now. Perhaps I just needed more time.

Been exercising recently, at least more than during school semesters.
Swimming, squash, zumba.
Talking about zumba, it was a mixture of dance and aerobics. And surprisingly, it was rather tiring after the class last saturday.
I wasn't expecting it to be that vigorous. Ha well maybe it's just me because I didn't exercise enough.
Oh and squash, I bought a new racquet from queensway last evening. So I'm expecting myself to play more!

Been watching Running Man, and laughing out loud at home.
That was when my mum keep asking me what show I'm watching and why all the laughing.
And she commented that it was a 'crazy man show' (direct translation from dialect).
Ha, at least the show made me laugh and cheers me up.

Meeting up with friends are great.
Gossips, casual chats, and girls talk.
But need to spend $$$ which I have limited amount.
Spending about $100 in 2 days is crazy, considering I didnt have a job yet!
$60 goes to the new squash racquet, $40 goes to new lingerie.
I should just stay at home everyday.
OR maybe I should borrow a good book and read it.

Alright, that's all for today.
Going to sleep while missing my love. I'm doing that too often.
Goodnight =)

drawings!

Well, technically there is only one drawing.
Suddenly I had the urge to draw.
Maybe too bored at home. haha.
So being totally untrained at drawing (well unless you consider having art lessons till lower secondary as trained), I decided to google how to draw for beginners.
And youtube videos were like one of the top few successful search.
So I clicked on one that shows me how to draw trees! LOL.
Right, so I followed the video and sketch one on my rough paper.
And it turned out pretty well (see above)!
Ha so... can I say I'm talented in drawing? =P

Actually I have always been interested in drawings and music, the arts, as some would say.
But somehow, being brought up in a conservative family (and a not so wealthy one), the idea instilled in me was to study or learn something useful. Some skills or knowledge that I can use to earn more income in the future.
So being as blur as sotong (maybe innocent sounds nicer haha) when young, I followed the education path that most people took.
So I finished my education years rather smoothly, with a few hiccups here and there though.
Well, so now that I'm done with education, I seemed to have lost my direction.
Especially with the fact that my self confidence are kinda low at times, plus my knowledge of what I studied were either hidden deep in my brain, or they're all returned to the lecturers. How great.
It's somehow like 'What am I going to do next? Where should I go?'
All these questions that I can't find any answers to.
Pondering over and over, and over and over.
It seems wrong to live day by day, with totally no plans ahead of me.
But I can't figure out what I want.
Oh well, I'll have to see how it goes.
Ha why am I emo-ing again!!!

So back to the topic.
I've always wanted to learn piano, but didnt have the courage to take up lessons because I dislike reading scores haha.
Now I am thinking of learning guitar, but finding a decent job is my priority now, so that's on hold.
And since I have nothing to do at home I just randomly drew.
Yup, so much for my nagging and complaining and emo-ing and whatnots.
Till next time! =)

没有一百分的另一半，只有五十分的两个人。<3

emo max

I wondered if it's because I'm too free these days that I've been rather emotional.Or the fact that because it's the time of the month.
OKay maybe I would say 'more emotional' since my heart always speaks louder than my brain.
I cried, 2 days in a row.
I don't exactly know the reason why I cried.
Maybe it's because I'm stressed over finding job 'cus I do feel quite useless now.
Or maybe I'm fustrated over people who don't understand what I really want.
And maybe, the fact that my mum probably may not be going for my commencement is affecting me.
Of course I do understand from her point of view her reason for not wanting to go. But somehow, if she's not there, it's as if something's missing. Afterall, it's a once in a life time event for me.
Perhaps it's still early to emo about this, as she may change her mind last minute.
I will just respect her decision.

Since young, I don't like to request for things, or favors.
If I don't know how to do certain things, I'll try my best to do it on my own.
Maybe I should put it another way, that I don't like to owe people favors, or anything.
Just like presents/gifts.
I love to receive presents. who doesn't?
But I will only be truely happy in receiving if the other party genuinely wants to give, and not an obligation to give.
You know, the kind of situation where I am given the present because the other party didn't want me to feel that he/she is biased, so I received it too. I really hate this.
Of course I'm happy that I have presents, but it's a different kind of feeling.
A kind of 'to make you feel better so i'm giving you present also' feel, which totally alters the meaning of giving the present in the first place.
Just like by requesting for presents, it loses the real meaning of giving and/or receiving. then what's the point?
To the sender/giver: If you puts your heart in choosing the present, no matter what the gift is, the receiver will feel it. Afterall, it's about the sincerity.
To the receiver: Be grateful for that thought of the giver. Pretend you're happy even if you're not. This way you can prevent unnecessary conflicts. Peace.

It's getting late. Meaning, it's a good time to emo. lol.
I shall not, and go to bed now.
Goodnight world.

random june post

Great! It's the june holidays! Summer holidays!
The holiday that students always looking forward to.
Well, I guess since i'm graduating, which means i'm no longer a student soon, i'll have no such holidays to look forward to anymore.
Been doing job searching after coming back from taiwan, although not intensive search.
I think i'm the kind of peroson who needs to experience before I can decide whether I like a certain job or not.
Hmm, my mum told me to take my time in finding one, and I dont know how long I'll take.
Hope it wouldnt be too long.
I fear.
And I'm kind of forcing myself, because I have yet to discover what I want in my career.
This sense of uncertainty, yet again.
oh well, pardon me for being emotional in the middle of the night.
Isnt that always happening to people? when you're alone lying on the bed before you sleep.
Things running through your mind that you'll never get the answers just by thinking.
I remember, whenever there's important things the next day, be it exams, events etc, I can never sleep well. I turn into a light sleeper!
well, worrywart I am.
I admit. Pros and Cons I say. HA.

Seriously speaking, I cannot imagine myself working.
It's like 'hey you've really grown up, and welcome to the corporate world - the reality'
and yea there it is. face it! with courage no matter what happens.

I've always wondered how it is to be someone else.
Like who am I from another person's perspective and view.
I want to see myself from someone else's eyes.
And then I can really understand myself.
I KNOW. It's impossible.

Enough of thinking for today!
Time to head to bed.
Goodnight =)

Love everyone around you!

reality.

Back from Taiwan.
Back to reality.

Grad lo!

Finally on thursday 3rd may I had my last paper.
It was much doable than I've expected, which means many people are going to do well for!
But at least, my university life didn't end with a sucky paper that spoils my mood!
And I can't describe how happy and relieved I felt after the paper because it's like finally over!!!
Means I'm unofficially a graduate!
And so thursday was an awesome day 'cus my uni clique planned a chalet right that day!!! =D
It's in a pasir ris villa and 'WOW' was my first reaction.
It was a bunglow changed into chalet (116 Pasir Ris Villa), and it's the nicest I've been to so far.
They have almost everything you need, from the usual chalet stuff to microwave oven to kitchen/cooking utensils, to even ktv room!
And the chalet was well maintained =)
I went home after the paper to get my things, while some of them went straight after the paper.
So, we bbq-ed, we chatted, we played zhong ji mi ma, we emo-ed ('cus we were writing messages for each other lol), we drank, we htht-ed and we laughed like crazy (at least for me haha).
Oh and the cocktail that ShiHui made was good!
We only slept for about an hour or two before packing up to checked out.
It was a rather short one but it's great still! =D

*Joanne and Andrew left first! Forgot to take pictures with them first =(*

And went home yesterday morning.
Was feeling really tired!! Like you know totally no energy kind.
Then slept through after my breakfast till around 3. Woke up and I can't fall back to sleep so I did some random stuff which I forgot. LOL
And then, Kenneth came to meet me to pass me the luggage and helped with abit of packing.
HA with him, I managed to pack in less than 2 hours. SO FAST RIGHT.
But then when I came back from dinner with him, decided to change some of the shirts I'm bringing =P
So my packing is almost done, except for those shampoos and soap that I'll pack in later.
YUP tonight going to the airport!!!
YEAHNESS MAX!
EXCITED!!! =D Hope the trip's gonna be awesome!
I'll be back to blog after I'm back from TAIWAN =)


I'll miss you my dear! Miss me too!

1 more!!!!

I keep thinking I have 1 week to my last paper.
BUT only 5 more days!

And I'm flying off to taiwan in less than 2 weeks time!!!
EXCITED =D

And before flying, having chalet with my uni friends...
='( no more school!
unless I become a teacher which is quite unlikely lol.

Study hard!
Stay healthy!
Be happy!

Get well real soon my dear! <3

emo again.

明天就是大学最后一个学期的第一个考试。
现在的我应该在读书的，但还是感性了起来。

有一次的期待，就有一次的失望
或许有一天我不再有期待。
可能是习惯你爱我的方式，也或许我不再爱你。
我也不知道。。。

可能我还没学会如何无条件的爱一个人吧。

a picture says a thousand words.

I'm always amazed at how amazing I feel when I look at pictures that are mesmerizing.
The innocent smile on the baby.

The wonderfully blossomed sunflower.

The breath-taking sunset view.

And the blissful looks on a young lady's flawless face.

ok not very flawless i know... >.<

How I wish I am able to capture all those moments.

1 more month...

1 more month before I unofficially becomes a nonstudent.
Strictly speaking it's 2 more weeks and lessons will end.
Mixed feelings much!

how?
Just have to move on no matter what...

i dont know how long i can hold.

fear.

For a moment I had this fear that I might not be able to graduate.
And i hate this feeling.

I have to mug harder than ever.

my advanced wish list =P

I know it's like full 4 months to my birthday but this isnt exactly a birthday wish list. ha i accept presents throughout the year you know... =P
There's so many things i want to buy that i feel like listing them all down!
1) Camera - no particular model in mind, just thought i should get a decent camera for myself!

2) External hard disk - to have one just so i can keep all my pictures!

3) Thumbdrive - ok you must be feeling strange how can i dont have a thumbdrive, yes i dont have 1 'cus i dont use much. but it's still good to have one around right?

4) Decent handbags - of course this will be in preparation for me stepping into the workforce in hopefully 3 months time.

5) More clothes - this one i bet all girls agree with me, our clothes are never too much! hehe. Dresses, tops, skirts, shorts, pants, everything!

6) Heels! - ok bascially i'm not a heels person but i always have the urge to buy heels just because they're all too pretty!

7) Sports/running shoes - i need to exercise for goodness sake!

8) Make a new pair of spectacles - but i'm actually considering buying some contact lenses.

OR

9) Bold 9790 leather pouch for my bb - this is what makes carrying a bb COOL. IKR. It comes with white too (OMG!)

White one!!!

Ok but the back of the pouch looks different. got holes one leh. Hmm.

Bascially that's all... for now!
Disclaimer: the pictures above are just for visual sake, except the bb pocket which is the exact one that i want! =P

On a side note, it's been a week after my recess week.
The past week was kinda busy, but definitly i can conclude i dont have the full mood to study. oops.
Next week i have another midterm, on wednesday.
Next next week on tuesday for my elective, which the term assignment i've got a B and am so disappointed. >.<
That aside, i cant wait for my taiwan trip!!! =) Basically that's when i can spend a bit more! hehe.

muack!

Give someone you love a kiss today, and see how widely they'll smile.
It just brightens up my day, don't you agree?
=D