emo max

I wondered if it's because I'm too free these days that I've been rather emotional.Or the fact that because it's the time of the month.
OKay maybe I would say 'more emotional' since my heart always speaks louder than my brain.
I cried, 2 days in a row.
I don't exactly know the reason why I cried.
Maybe it's because I'm stressed over finding job 'cus I do feel quite useless now.
Or maybe I'm fustrated over people who don't understand what I really want.
And maybe, the fact that my mum probably may not be going for my commencement is affecting me.
Of course I do understand from her point of view her reason for not wanting to go. But somehow, if she's not there, it's as if something's missing. Afterall, it's a once in a life time event for me.
Perhaps it's still early to emo about this, as she may change her mind last minute.
I will just respect her decision.

Since young, I don't like to request for things, or favors.
If I don't know how to do certain things, I'll try my best to do it on my own.
Maybe I should put it another way, that I don't like to owe people favors, or anything.
Just like presents/gifts.
I love to receive presents. who doesn't?
But I will only be truely happy in receiving if the other party genuinely wants to give, and not an obligation to give.
You know, the kind of situation where I am given the present because the other party didn't want me to feel that he/she is biased, so I received it too. I really hate this.
Of course I'm happy that I have presents, but it's a different kind of feeling.
A kind of 'to make you feel better so i'm giving you present also' feel, which totally alters the meaning of giving the present in the first place.
Just like by requesting for presents, it loses the real meaning of giving and/or receiving. then what's the point?
To the sender/giver: If you puts your heart in choosing the present, no matter what the gift is, the receiver will feel it. Afterall, it's about the sincerity.
To the receiver: Be grateful for that thought of the giver. Pretend you're happy even if you're not. This way you can prevent unnecessary conflicts. Peace.

It's getting late. Meaning, it's a good time to emo. lol.
I shall not, and go to bed now.
Goodnight world.