job/exercise/RM/$$

I realised, I always blog at night.
Probably because during the night time I have more thoughts and feelings and no one else to distract my train of thoughts.

I admit I wasn't very active in my job search, but still I did sent out a few of my resumes here and there.
No one is calling me up for interviews, and it gets really stressful when people around you are receiving chances.
Not that I'm urgent in finding one, just that it seems rather pointless to slack all day all night.
Though my mum told me to take my time, somehow I feel that I shouldn't be staying at home all day and doing nothing.
Life's getting meaningless.
But then again, I only have myself to blame because I'm living it that way.
I need to inject more adventures into my life.
Well well, easier said than done.
When you have no money, the only adventure is to get yourself a job and get something out of it.
Talking about job search, the day before, I spent the whole afternoon looking at websites trying to search for positions that I might be suitable for.
Then I realised that I still doesn't know exactly what I want. Or maybe I do.
I want to try events job, but was kinda turned off by the relatively low pay and longer working hours.
No contract jobs because I want something more permanent, of course with the staff benefits etc.
No particular industry that I prefer, ok maybe more towards banking, since that always seems to have a better prospect.
Or maybe I was in the wrong course. Perhaps the job market is too saturated now. Perhaps I just needed more time.

Been exercising recently, at least more than during school semesters.
Swimming, squash, zumba.
Talking about zumba, it was a mixture of dance and aerobics. And surprisingly, it was rather tiring after the class last saturday.
I wasn't expecting it to be that vigorous. Ha well maybe it's just me because I didn't exercise enough.
Oh and squash, I bought a new racquet from queensway last evening. So I'm expecting myself to play more!

Been watching Running Man, and laughing out loud at home.
That was when my mum keep asking me what show I'm watching and why all the laughing.
And she commented that it was a 'crazy man show' (direct translation from dialect).
Ha, at least the show made me laugh and cheers me up.

Meeting up with friends are great.
Gossips, casual chats, and girls talk.
But need to spend $$$ which I have limited amount.
Spending about $100 in 2 days is crazy, considering I didnt have a job yet!
$60 goes to the new squash racquet, $40 goes to new lingerie.
I should just stay at home everyday.
OR maybe I should borrow a good book and read it.

Alright, that's all for today.
Going to sleep while missing my love. I'm doing that too often.
Goodnight =)

drawings!

Well, technically there is only one drawing.
Suddenly I had the urge to draw.
Maybe too bored at home. haha.
So being totally untrained at drawing (well unless you consider having art lessons till lower secondary as trained), I decided to google how to draw for beginners.
And youtube videos were like one of the top few successful search.
So I clicked on one that shows me how to draw trees! LOL.
Right, so I followed the video and sketch one on my rough paper.
And it turned out pretty well (see above)!
Ha so... can I say I'm talented in drawing? =P

Actually I have always been interested in drawings and music, the arts, as some would say.
But somehow, being brought up in a conservative family (and a not so wealthy one), the idea instilled in me was to study or learn something useful. Some skills or knowledge that I can use to earn more income in the future.
So being as blur as sotong (maybe innocent sounds nicer haha) when young, I followed the education path that most people took.
So I finished my education years rather smoothly, with a few hiccups here and there though.
Well, so now that I'm done with education, I seemed to have lost my direction.
Especially with the fact that my self confidence are kinda low at times, plus my knowledge of what I studied were either hidden deep in my brain, or they're all returned to the lecturers. How great.
It's somehow like 'What am I going to do next? Where should I go?'
All these questions that I can't find any answers to.
Pondering over and over, and over and over.
It seems wrong to live day by day, with totally no plans ahead of me.
But I can't figure out what I want.
Oh well, I'll have to see how it goes.
Ha why am I emo-ing again!!!

So back to the topic.
I've always wanted to learn piano, but didnt have the courage to take up lessons because I dislike reading scores haha.
Now I am thinking of learning guitar, but finding a decent job is my priority now, so that's on hold.
And since I have nothing to do at home I just randomly drew.
Yup, so much for my nagging and complaining and emo-ing and whatnots.
Till next time! =)

没有一百分的另一半，只有五十分的两个人。<3

emo max

I wondered if it's because I'm too free these days that I've been rather emotional.Or the fact that because it's the time of the month.
OKay maybe I would say 'more emotional' since my heart always speaks louder than my brain.
I cried, 2 days in a row.
I don't exactly know the reason why I cried.
Maybe it's because I'm stressed over finding job 'cus I do feel quite useless now.
Or maybe I'm fustrated over people who don't understand what I really want.
And maybe, the fact that my mum probably may not be going for my commencement is affecting me.
Of course I do understand from her point of view her reason for not wanting to go. But somehow, if she's not there, it's as if something's missing. Afterall, it's a once in a life time event for me.
Perhaps it's still early to emo about this, as she may change her mind last minute.
I will just respect her decision.

Since young, I don't like to request for things, or favors.
If I don't know how to do certain things, I'll try my best to do it on my own.
Maybe I should put it another way, that I don't like to owe people favors, or anything.
Just like presents/gifts.
I love to receive presents. who doesn't?
But I will only be truely happy in receiving if the other party genuinely wants to give, and not an obligation to give.
You know, the kind of situation where I am given the present because the other party didn't want me to feel that he/she is biased, so I received it too. I really hate this.
Of course I'm happy that I have presents, but it's a different kind of feeling.
A kind of 'to make you feel better so i'm giving you present also' feel, which totally alters the meaning of giving the present in the first place.
Just like by requesting for presents, it loses the real meaning of giving and/or receiving. then what's the point?
To the sender/giver: If you puts your heart in choosing the present, no matter what the gift is, the receiver will feel it. Afterall, it's about the sincerity.
To the receiver: Be grateful for that thought of the giver. Pretend you're happy even if you're not. This way you can prevent unnecessary conflicts. Peace.

It's getting late. Meaning, it's a good time to emo. lol.
I shall not, and go to bed now.
Goodnight world.

random june post

Great! It's the june holidays! Summer holidays!
The holiday that students always looking forward to.
Well, I guess since i'm graduating, which means i'm no longer a student soon, i'll have no such holidays to look forward to anymore.
Been doing job searching after coming back from taiwan, although not intensive search.
I think i'm the kind of peroson who needs to experience before I can decide whether I like a certain job or not.
Hmm, my mum told me to take my time in finding one, and I dont know how long I'll take.
Hope it wouldnt be too long.
I fear.
And I'm kind of forcing myself, because I have yet to discover what I want in my career.
This sense of uncertainty, yet again.
oh well, pardon me for being emotional in the middle of the night.
Isnt that always happening to people? when you're alone lying on the bed before you sleep.
Things running through your mind that you'll never get the answers just by thinking.
I remember, whenever there's important things the next day, be it exams, events etc, I can never sleep well. I turn into a light sleeper!
well, worrywart I am.
I admit. Pros and Cons I say. HA.

Seriously speaking, I cannot imagine myself working.
It's like 'hey you've really grown up, and welcome to the corporate world - the reality'
and yea there it is. face it! with courage no matter what happens.

I've always wondered how it is to be someone else.
Like who am I from another person's perspective and view.
I want to see myself from someone else's eyes.
And then I can really understand myself.
I KNOW. It's impossible.

Enough of thinking for today!
Time to head to bed.
Goodnight =)

Love everyone around you!